Dedicated to my dear friend, you are superwoman. One day I hope to carry myself through stages of life, how you do. Thank you for being a sounding board and trusted friend. You’ve helped me so much. Your voice echoes my head, an angel on my shoulder.
I am going to try and describe this, and maybe you’ll meet me halfway to realize what I am going on about. You know when you need to vent, I mean absolutely spew all your thoughts or just the bad of what’s going on. And you go to that one friend or even a group of girls that you know when they hear your wrath- they are going to give it to you right back. They are going to absolutely humble your claim that the world is ending.
Silently you know it’s going to happen, but your conscience chooses to ignore what you are walking into. I believe it’s because our subconscious knows that it’s exactly what we need and who we need to hear it from. As I think we all do this with our friends, maybe some more than others. Not to keep things from them on our life, more so that what we have friends that specialize in certain areas of life or help us in certain ways. This interchange or release is very healthy.
Anyways, so you rant. In my case, I start with: “do you want the long or the short version?” But we all know even though you start with the intention of the short, it’s always ends up being the movie. But what makes it the movie? The questions, interest in the other’s life, moments of stories being connected with previous characters, and most of all the momentum of good story telling. You add a couple of acting out scenes, hand gestures, and eye rolls for dramatics…
This in my opinion is the art of girl talk. The best thing that our existence has cultivated. We are some of the best story tellers on this earth.
(I will call my dear friend, “Miley” from now on, to simplify).
I wrote this article with Miley at the center of my mind, she’s has become not only such a light in my life but a mentor on life. Our girl talk is so healing, and I know all of you understand what I mean by that. When we spew, it is the best feeling because she’s not trying to bring me back down to earth out of annoyance or judgment. She’s doing it out of her own experience, understanding of how small I feel in the moment, and with a touch of sisterly love. She’s older than me, wiser for sure, but her heart ageless and if her judgment strikes it’s out of concern. A friend who listens and knows exactly what to say, what more could you ask for.
She’s a hairstylist, and an amazing one at that. Secretly when I make an appointment with her, I come ready. I walk through the door and greet her with an eager and devious smile. And her smile receives me and all my stories with open arms. BEST FEELING. Do you know another amazing feeling? When your mid climax of the story and the hairdryer starts. So now you are yelling, and then realize it’s pointless. Then comes out the pause and go game. Talk – hair dry pause- resume- hair dry pause- resume- hair d- “wait what!!!”. Some of my favorite memories together surround this beautiful exchange that maybe some of you can relate to.
When I struggled with heartbreak that left me feeling absolutely debilitated. Miley was there, for every tear of hope and every wail of why. She listened. Even when I spoke words of hope- she told me that would only leave me defenseless. Even when I would see her on days where my relationship felt like it was on the up, she saw past my confidence and called me out. And when I begged her to not say the words I so badly couldn’t hear, she still did it. And today, I thank her so much for that.
Miley was there, for every tear of hope and every wail of why. She listened.
She called me and it was our first call since I left. I cried just seeing her on the screen. I was struggling this particular week because I felt so out of the loop of the life I was leaving. I told her this, and guess what? She gave it right back to me. I smiled so big. I missed hearing her reasoning. After that she’s been calling me when she’s had a minute here and there and I as well. Sometimes we talk about random daily gossip and other times the random bits of the day. But it was a result of how she listened to me, she has always made me feel so seen.
She’s also an amazing mother, it has been now almost three years of friendship and the lessons I have learned… I could write a book. It isn’t even lessons, more so essence. Her essence of motherhood is so real, raw, but brilliant. I have been so lucky that she let me in to her heart and we share vulnerability that is so rare. She is a calm soul, but confident. Her daughter who I met with her, well she became like a niece to me. Seeing her grow up now and hold so many qualities of both her mom and dad, its a beautiful thing. But the one thing she carries is her mother’s look of love, excitement, sass, and worry. Her expressions molded from her mother soulful eyes.
Her essence of motherhood is so real, raw, but brilliant.
Now my little niece has become a big sister, and Miley now a mother to two beautiful girls. Yes, I was one of the first to hold that baby… chosen auntie reporting for duty! Miley has been through a lot, but that baby- that baby was light for her family, for her, and for everyone who loves Miley. I already respected Miley so much seeing her be a mom to her beautiful daughter who is still very young.
But after she came home from the hospital- I watched her in a new lens, like never before. Her daughter adjusting to being a big sister now, the house transitioning to a newborn living in it, the lack of sleep, and you get the picture. But I sat on her couch just like before and she carried the same essence. Calm, in fact I recall her glowing. I was honestly so taken aback, I just thought how is she doing this???
I never really witnessed this interchange, season of life, or moment in time- whatever you want to call it. So, to have dear Miley be the one in my life who has shown me this side of motherhood, friendship, vulnerability, and most importantly never ending love… I thank her. I hold her hand and squeeze it when I say how lucky I am to witness such balance of life. How lucky I have been to see now not only one but two beautiful girls now grow up, and hopefully I continue to remind them just how amazing their mother is.
This is womanhood. Seasons of life, all intertwined- where we learn from each other.
This is womanhood. Seasons of life, all intertwined- where we learn from each other. Support in the ways we know and learn how. Motherhood, may not be on your map or radar but it can be respected, applauded and most of all supported. Personally, if one day I do decide to have children- I have no siblings.
But I do have chosen family, chosen women that my children will call them by “Auntie”. Not everyone will get that title, but those who will have it, I know they will will love on me when I need it and they will love my children just as much if not more.
I hope all of you, have a person in your life that sits and listens. That gives you feedback, no matter how hard it is to hear.
If you have a friend in her season of motherhood no matter what stage it may be, give her a big hug and ask her how she is today. Buy her a coffee, watch the kids so she can go to target, or just sit there and hold her hand. Superwoman needs a break too, love on her just like she does for you.
Thank you, forever & ever “Miley”.
Until the next pour,
Bx
Entry Level Position- On Life? 
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