Dedicated to a dear friend- thank you for all you have done in the moments of life going good, bad and all the crazy. We still have a lot left to live, and as it comes, we will carry on… together even miles apart and in arms. Thank you for loving me back and even more, just the same.
When we ask couples how they met, it is an endearing question. I find those stories so beautiful because you see them light up and talk about the moment their life truly did change. I sit and realize we don’t really do that as much with friendships, no one really asks-how did you two meet? Maybe it’s just me, a peculiar observation I’ve made?
I was thinking about this as I was writing and I realized how beautiful friendship stories are, I mean our friends also have a moment in our timeline where they FOREVER CHANGE US. Our faces light up talking about it just as much. I know when my friends and I go back in time and we revisit the crazy stories, we always start from our beginning. More so for female friendships there is a sense of appreciation for the life moments we have shared together. Going back in time isn’t just out of remembering but it is a ritual of thanks for one another.
My beautiful friend and I met towards the middle of university, and I remember like it was yesterday. We shared a class for that semester. We talked here and there when it came to sharing and talking within the class. One day we ended up in a group project and on a topic that the both of us shared similar passion for. As we were walking out we continued to converse, eventually we changed topic and talked about typical girl stuff. As it wasn’t our first time chatting, we caught up from the previous time.
Then there was a moment, (in my opinion) the awkward moment where every possible friendship can begin. You throw the offer out to hang out outside of business hours, off of a gut feeling. That gut feeling for me is a mix of: the woman intuition, the reading into the other’s bitch face, and the “girl’s girl” analysis.
Thank god for that gut feeling. Here we are almost 3 years later. ❤
You throw the offer out to hang out outside of business hours, off of a gut feeling.
I think the courting era of friendship is really sweet. Normally, it is a game of “reading the room”, and slowly step by step giving little pieces of yourself to the other. Once you have a base of trust, you let it all out- the secrets, the horrible stories of men, problems you have with your mother, judgmental banter of your shared and mutual life, and all the in between. And with that you have crossed the broomstick and become more than friends, you have now started to tie your soul to the other.
(I will call my dear friend, “Winnie” from now on, to simplify).
Well Winnie is special to me in a unique way. Just like each friend has the reasons why the connection is deep and meaningful to your life, every love is different and that is important. Winnie and I’s first date was walking along the canal on university grounds, we sat and watched the sunset… (very romantic if you ask me). When we began our evening there was this unusual feeling that I felt, as sense of instant comfort. Almost a pull of vulnerability to her. We started talking, but not with reading the room, we just let it all out. There in the open, laid our books of life, just started, but with experiences and feelings that had made us who we were at that point. All that was left was for the both of us to accept each other how we came, where we were, and why we needed each other.
Challenge accepted.
When a connection starts like that, where there is no courting, there is only “accept me as I am”. Isn’t that the essence of what a deep connection is?
“Don’t walk in front of me… I may not follow
Don’t walk behind me… I may not lead
Walk beside me… just be my friend”
Albert Camus
I love this quote because I think it captures that at the end of the day we all just want to share our lives with others on a deeper level than just what we present. My interpretation to the quote by Camus is that we are all figuring it out, and that is why we may not lead or follow. But beside one another we will go through the ups and downs of life itself.
Winnie has truly lived beside me for the time we have shared already, and when I look back, we met just as our 20’s were beginning. Which makes for some chaotic and truly beautiful stories.
While in university, Winnie and I would often have our wine and tapas night… maybe a cigarette here and there to feel extra mysterious. Those nights were where my true love for our friendship really formulated. We were able to talk about a wide variety of things. Passions, questioning the norms, our careers, the news (up for interpretation), hobbies, advice on friendships, culture that we shared, and the feeling of identity. She has always made me feel seen, and I could only hope I have been capable of returning the feeling.
When you can have good banter with someone, especially connecting with other woman, the “Bluetooth connect-effect” happens on so many different levels. You start to learn how to read each other, and eventually when you are both thrown into a social situation, your eyes are able to conduct a whole conversation. You learn all the important names in the other’s life and soon enough the gossip of two lives becomes intertwined (double the trouble). Since we are older, we don’t go to each others houses where we hang out with the after school snack and mom talk. But I think when girlfriends show off their friends to their now long distance mom, that shows a lot. I am sure there are a lot of examples, you are probably thinking from experience.
All this to say, during such chapters of transformation and change it is so important to find people who can be a constant- and also change with you.
Winnie and I have been through a lot in such little time. We have done a lot, from writing resumes together to scheming our escape from university. Walking in the evenings along the canal to skipping into frat parties tipsy. We’ve ordered pizza at ungodly hours and cooked some home cooked wonders. We’ve googled love spells and witnessed each other fall in love. Recently, we were in our hostess era, of both our homes we made with love. Joint parties, organizing, planning, decorating, cooking our respective dishes. Things we daydreamed, manifested if you may, and we were living it side by side.
Something we both love to do, which I know we aren’t the only duo, is to daydream. But I mean absolutely deep dive into our delusional thoughts, which I mean we aren’t asking for that much? I really like thinking back on it now because I feel like our initial daydreams have changed so much. Life and circumstance being the biggest impact, and in the best possible way.
This is the best part. We witness each other grow. We dream new dreams. We win at life and drive over when things don’t go as planned. Also being fully aware that the chaos of now will be different in 3 years time.
Winnie has been there for every moving truck so far in my twenties, and she’s always moved with me. She helped me build the Ikea furniture in the apartment I was excited to make a home. Now, she’s selling the same furniture for me, while I am hundreds of miles away trying to heal. She never asked me to stay, she told me to leave. I couldn’t be doing this miles away with only focusing on myself without her.
That endless love, the sisterly care and limitless support. I wish everyone has a Winnie.
Ask the new, the old, and the mutual friends in your circles a question. How did they meet their best friends, the people they are tied to? When someone asks you, take a second. Feel the appreciation. Experience the sense of love that comes from your chest as you talk about those who have changed your life for the better. Continue to have the throwback conversations, the daydream discussions, and most all don’t forget to say I love you.
To be loved, is to be seen, thank you…
Until the next pour,
Bx
Entry Level Position- On Life? 
Leave a comment