^{I don’t feel so pulled down by the gravity of heartbreak anymore. Though there are moments where aside me, I see the ocean that carries the in between sadness and holds that love, untouched. I write now, with more an appreciation, to have been able to experience such emotions that continue to compel me to write, with love.}

^{May these words hold space for us to smile at the reason why we cried…}

Routines

How wonderful,

I thought. 

That when I sit next to you 

You open your arm for me 

Holding my warmth beside you

And call it 

Normal.

How wonderful, 

I thought.

That we go into the store 

And we know where each other goes 

One to the cheese selection 

Another to the veggies section 

And call it

A weekly shop.

How wonderful,

I thought.

That every night 

We sit together 

I cook dinner 

You clean the dishes 

And we finish with a chocolate

And call it

Our evenings.

How wonderful,

I thought.

That when there was that one song

And it became contagious between us 

It would play everyday 

And call it, 

Singing along.

How wonderful,

I thought. 

To love someone so that 

You do some of the same things 

Everyday together 

And call it 

Apart of 

Life. 

How wonderful,
I thought
- you thought so too?

Dust specs in the light, 

I close my eyes, 

to transport to the 

morning light. 

Shining in your apartment, 

I lay on the carpet and look up.  

To find the specs of dust 

Dancing along to the song… 

^{That triggers my memory,} 

^{every time.}

To the smell of the pancakes on the stove, 

and hint of lemon sugar. 

I tilt my head to where your cooking 

to open my eyes and see _{-I transported}

                              back to 
                                               soon.

I still listen to…

I still listen to the song, that was “ours”.

We had many of those. 

Each that shared a few words we never could have pieced together in a better way.

I still listen to the song, that reminded you of me.

It was one that made me smile.

Knowing it made you think of me, so simple, yet a fondness arose out of me every time.

I still listen to the song, that encapsulated the “future”.

It was one where we found our steps and danced timidly.

Yet we both shared a smirk of secret excitement.

I still listen to the song, that reminds me of you.

Goosebumps always swept through me as I heard it, as if my heart skipped its first beat those years ago.

It still does. 

I listen to the songs, there were many we shared.
I sit now a smile, I have to force because

_{… when I look up to smile at your face as the lyrics say the words I never could come up with, you are not there.} 

_{…and when I get up to dance like we always would, your hands are not there to meet mine.} 

So, all I have left, is to listen to the songs that were mine, yours, and ours.

And I wonder…

^{If you,}

^{still listen to the song, do you think of me?}

Chest Pains

Memories, second-nature rituals, promised interactions… that’s what lingers,

then comes the feeling of it.

But

they come and go

like chest pains

Sometimes I wake up, confused.

because the warmth of your hug hasn’t awoken me

to start the day,

I always liked it that way.

In 2 Pieces

A chain around my neck, 
and pendant.
It used to just be a necklace,
one I admired from afar.
Soon enough it was around my neck, what a gift. 
It was no longer...
A chain around my neck,
and pendant.
It became a comfort,
my fingers using the pendant as calming medicine.
I never took it off, even after.
But now...
The chain around my neck,
and pendant,
is the last piece of you.
A pendant shaped heart.

And when I break it in two,

you appear on either side
                         every time.

It lays on my chest, 
my fingers still run along the gold texture.
            Physically, is it your heart or is it mine?

   The chain around my neck,
                      and pendant.
                            In 2 pieces.

- B x