I wanted to write the first entry for this collection as more of an introduction. There’s a lot to cover in the realm of the relationships with our girlfriends, the late night memories, trauma bonding, group dynamics, and watching each other grow up. There’s so much good, but also there’s an aspect of humanity- aka hormones in our 20’s- that can turn us into absolute bitches. There’s the boy problem that causes problems, outgrowing friends, betrayal of unsaid “girl code”, whispers and secrets within groups, and judgment of decisions. But even then…

It’s all beautiful. I love it when I hear girlfriends say to each other: “you are a future bridesmaid, my kids will call you auntie, you’re the first person the boy I love will meet.” We do that because that’s our love language to each other. We compliment our girlfriends from love and trust of the connection. The reassurance you get as a friend wanting to make sure you are being there for the other just as much.

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Sisterhood is one of those things i have learned to hold near and dear to my heart. Especially in our twenties, I feel as though we are in this weird middle of ages.

There is the percentage of us still have the best friends from preschool, our infancy and childhood really; others have our best friends from high school. Some of us have our “ride or dies” from college dorms; others “twin flames” who we’ve met through partners. Some of us friends we have marked as have met post-grad; and others at a random bar during happy hour with co- workers. 

The amazing thing is, when you take a step back. All of these friends we have made, have been made in inaugural times of our life. Puberty, our first crushes, drinking undercover, going out for the first time, graduation, young heartbreak, family dinners, home visits, feeling lonely in a new city, and meeting on an inking that the other has a heart behind that “bitch face” you give one another for the first time. 

Now obviously we would all be lucky if we kept every single friend in our lifetime across these life events, because let’s be real that would the most iconic bridesmaid roster for your wedding. The speeches would cover every inch from birth to present. But reality, in my opinion shares a different take.

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I have been so fortunate to have close friends from different stages of life. And through the few years I have lived, I am still trying to figure out consistency. For me, I feel like I pour a lot of myself in friendships- even the ones that quickly develop. When I have befriended you, I care deeply for you. And in some ways I feel like it’s not wrong to feel that you want to feel loved by them. 

What sucks. Is when it doesn’t work out. You pour into friends and you don’t feel it reciprocated. So then growing up plays apart, I used to ignore the signs and carry on and blow a fuse within myself. 

I feel like it boils down to 3 things: communication, understanding, and consistency. Friendships are relationships too! We need to care for them as so.

So now, when I feel “let down” or like my efforts are not being reciprocated, I mentally set that friend aside. Think of like pausing a subscription- I send my love and care for them on a sabbatical until they show consistency in their communication and I am fully capable of understanding where they are coming from. And I have found this to be super helpful for myself, to protect my peace. 

At the same time, I heavily acknowledge I am human. I am not perfect, I haven’t been the A star friend either at times. My communication has come off as pettiness or frustration. I’ve held grudges instead of understanding. I haven’t shown up or asked enough about someone’s day. It’s okay. I think at least, no one is perfect, but what we have as humans is the option to recognize- be aware. 

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As we start this conversation of friendships and their lifespan. I hope you can see the different dynamics, situations and growth as I write along on the way. Maybe you can relate to my perspective or maybe to my friends- either way we all have our own perspectives. Perspective is everything. 

Everyone is different, we all have our own life’s. But for me, friendship however it came about, is about feeling secure in a connection nor romantic or just platonic. It’s a deep bond that should be celebrated and cherished. 

My friends are few and some far right now. Some are on sabbaticals, and I love them from afar and can’t wait to talk when the time is right. Some take 24-72 hour business days to respond. Some are consistently there when we are both consistent. Some are new and we are excitedly getting to know each other. Some are old and I really miss them. 

At the end of the day. We love our friends not because we get to count how many we have on our fingers. But because we get to connect with the girls that help shape us into the women we become, admire, and want to celebrate. Even though not every friend we have had in our life may still be standing by us, thank them. Their love at one point shaped who and how you are today.

Today, text your girlfriends- the ones you haven’t said hello to in a while too. Get together with your girls, on the couch with a bottle or out for a feral night. Because I know when I feel the security of them, I can always see the good in myself. 

Until the next pour,

Bx